Deep thoughts by Matt

Matt, here. It is Sunday, July 12th. I think they will be discharging me later today, but most likely tomorrow. I am doing well, as far as someone who has had major surgery goes. Feeling a little better each day. I have to remind myself often that healing from something like this is not quick. When I am feeling my best, my mind starts thinking, "cool, we're good. all better. move on to healthy Matt." But it isn't that fast, even though I am doing well and I am a strong and healthy person. So then, when I don't feel quite as good as 2-3 hours before, my mind says, "great, I am still not well, this stinks". So, I have to remind myself not to get too high and not to get too low. Just a little insight to the mental side of all of this.



I am ready to come home and see Will and Rosemary. I miss them terribly, even though it has only been 1 week since I saw them. I also miss home in general. The plain old, run of the mill, boring, HOME. In going through things like this, maybe this is similar with other people, one of the many things I have experienced is alot of time to reflect on the small things in life. Many times I think, man, my life is boring, I wish I was doing something bigger and more important....blah, blah, blah. But, this has allowed me to realize the little things in life are likely as important, or more so, than the big things. Little thoughts, like, crawfish...they sure are good. Having a weekend day just to hang at the house and work in the yard and watch my kids play. Sitting down by my lake, watching Will and his friend fish and talking to a friend of mine. Sitting at my kitchen table and seeing Kelly pull up the driveway in the van and thinking I am glad she is home. Running into a friend at the grocery store and exchanging small talk for 5 minutes. Getting emotional watching a movie. Standing in the middle of a small, clear running creek in the middle of no-where Mississippi and looking up over the bank through the leaves and understory of the forest, and thinking about how beautiful it is and I get paid to do this. Sitting in a deer stand right as the sun is coming up, looking into the quiet, still of the woods and not thinking about much of anything, just listening to the wind blow and the dew thaw out from the sun. Having dinner with friends and laughing at silly stories that most others would think are not funny at all, but are hilarious with us because of what we have shared in becoming and being friends. Riding my bike on the Natchez trace in the summer, looking down at the striped line on the side of the road watching it whiz by, having sweat drip off the front of my helmet and feeling the sting in my leg muscles and the burn in my lungs from the exercise. Sitting on the porch with Kelly at night and just chit chatting with the love of my life. Pulling up into my driveway and Will and Rosie come running out with smiles and yelling "Daaaaaaaaaaadddeeeeeeeeeee's home!" wanting me to hurry up and open my door so they can grab me and hug me. Sitting across a table at a restaurant with Kelly and her looking at me with unconditional love and then her saying, "don't talk with your mouth full".



All these small, simple, day to day things that seem boring and meaningless, when in actuality, they have enormous meaning for me. I imagine everyone has their own personal, boring, meaningless, non-important things that happen every day. These are some of the biggest things I miss. I wish I could bottle up the understanding I have right now of how HUGE and important these things are to me, and save this for when I am feeling small and non-important. These things, and these people are what life is most about. I take these things, and these people for granted, as I am sure those people of which I am part of their small and meaningless things do the same. I love these things, and these people, much more than BIG, meaningful things that I think or wish my life was all about. Funny how I spend some of my time during these small moments thinking about how I wish I were doing something special or important, or different, when I see now that if given the choice, no question, I would be doing exactly what I was doing right then.......living life with the people I love.

Ok, no more deep thoughts with Matt. Sorry about that. Going through something like this and being in a hospital with tons of time will do that to a person.

Once again, I can't thank all of my friends and family enough for all of the support, prayer, kind words and deeds, and outpouring of love that has been shown to me. I hope I can show half of that to those people in my life who need it for them during stressful and difficult times.

Especially, I can't come close to expressing how grateful I am for Kelly. It is impossible to imagine going through this without her. She has made this experience so much easier on me. Only I will ever know how special and how much she has done for me. That is love. That is truly love. I can easily think of many reasons why I don't deserve that, but that would be another reason, selfishness. Its not about why, it is about people that love each other doing what they do because of that love.

Next time I will spare the deep stuff and stick with my "top 5 lists". Can't wait to see all my friends and family when I come home.